absolita:

proctalgia:

when u try to tell ur friends a pun

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when ur friend likes puns

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(via everytimeidiabetes)

sharpayevons:

"At least you love me." I say to my pet as I hold them against my chest as they try to get away

(via doemilk)

pixiecumm:
maggiemunkee:

dasfreefree:

i couldn’t make this up even if i tried

I had a 60yo get all offended and shocked when I didn’t jump his bones when he told me he likes bi girls.Ugh. Your penis is not that great, swearsies.
❝ When people say ‘This is my baby,’ they don’t always mean a baby. Sometimes they mean a dog.
— A Somali student, on what has surprised her most about the United States. (via africandogontheprairie)

(via benedryl-crustysnatch)

Haha what the heck am I doing with my life

writing tip #700:

gallifreyanlanterns:

gr8writingtips:

your characters are like geodes

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if you want to see what they’re really made of

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you must break them

this is the best writing tip ive heard in ages

(via andiamjustasoul)

Anonymous Do you have a crush on anyone?

thatsmoderatelyraven:

brian flounders from math class

veryraresecrete:

aktx:

tarntino:

me: *sees a white boy* *locks my car doors*

white boy: *knocks on window* what would you be doing if I was in there with you ;)

white boy: *pops your tires w/ my strong front teeth and goes for the kill*

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(via brokendildo)